I recently rewrote this piece, which appears as a bonus chapter at the end of my book Finding the Truth of You. So I’m sharing it here in its updated form as well. N-joy!
Santa Marta, Colombia – watercolor painting
The moment you become curious about who and what you really are, you step onto a path.
You start seeking. This is unavoidable.
And while some extent of seeking aka “being on the path” is necessary, and often useful, at some point, it can become the biggest hindrance. You find yourself in a perpetual loop of seeking, which will make it seem like your true nature is somehow unavailable to you.
Some even conclude that waking up to your true nature will take lifetimes and that their current lifetime just isn’t the one. Subconsciously, they accept the role of lifelong seekers never quite reaching the perfection they’ve envisioned.
This is how the fabricated self justifies the comfort of seeking without arriving. It does this because the dualistic seeking mode is what we have become accustomed to. As apparent separate individuals, it’s our primary mode of operation.
The mind identifies something (a concept) it wants and turns it into an object to be attained. In doing so, the mind turns itself into the subject of that object. Without this division, attainment wouldn’t be possible. This is the usual dualistic way of relating to experience. Only when there are two separate things can one attain the other.
Naturally, when the mind hears about “true nature,” it employs its usual tactic. It turns your true nature into an object to be attained on a timeline. And this can become the insurmountable wall between you and your true nature.
But you and your true nature are not separated by anything because it is what you are. It is the non-dual awareness smiling at the whole objectivizing shebang.
Non-dual means object and subject are not-two and whatever “it” is, is neither and both.
The truth is that your true nature is always right here and now as the backdrop and substratum of every appearance, including seeking for itself. But seeking, by definition, is a journey away from something, toward something else. To find your true nature you don’t need to go anywhere or retrieve something outside of yourself.
You only need to recognize that your true nature is that ordinary awareness before you objectify it. And because that always-present awareness is all that is, it is this awareness that recognizes itself. It’s not the mind that recognizes it because the mind can only take hold of objects.
Pure awareness – your true nature – is not a thing or object. You cannot hold, see, or know it as if standing outside of it. It is what you are and you know it by being it.
Unfortunately, just hearing this might not be enough. The egoic mind might not even want this to be this simple because that would mean that its “divine mission” toward enlightenment is over. The seemingly difficult part is to fully accept the non-dual truth right now.
When you’re used to linear progress, you may feel lost and restless when the path disappears. And without living recognition of non-dual awareness, the mind, like a creature sensing danger, kicks into survival mode trying to reassert control.
It points out the ego’s flaws as evidence for separation. It concludes that, after all, the only option is the long gradual path leading to the ideal, enlightened ego the mind cannot criticize.
But this is part of the trick. The ego can never be perfect, and the mind can always find something wrong.
You might even conclude that this present awareness cannot possibly be your true nature because there’s so much more work to be done. But “the work to be done” is part of the dualistic storyline.
What is this ego thing anyway?
It’s a sense of identification with a passing thought-feeling amalgamation. It’s not an actual thing, as is evident when you look for it directly.
Ego is a grasping hand: “This is me. This defines what I am.”
But this is not you. It doesn’t define what you are.
What we call ego is not your true self because your true self is not a self at all. Your true self is the undeniable non-conceptual awareness (or consciousness or presence or Tao or whatever) because to deny it, it must be.
None of this means we shouldn’t grow emotionally or become better humans. We can and we will.
But the recognition of our true nature doesn’t depend on a perfected ego or any other appearance. Your true nature can self-recognize at any moment, regardless of circumstances.
The ego is not a gatekeeper. It isn’t an actual something.
When you look for its actuality in experience, you find only thoughts and feelings. And these thoughts and feelings aren’t gatekeeping the recognition of your true nature; they are gates to the recognition.
Remember, awareness is already 100% present no matter what thoughts or emotions float past. True nature is eternally here, perfectly content.
Not acting perfectly in every situation is no evidence against this. Trying to “express” non-dual awareness in your daily life as a sign of your perfection is a fallacy. It strengthens the illusion of an “enlightened ego” — the belief that you, as a separate self, are the totality.
Awareness doesn’t need to prove itself.
You don’t need to fulfill some enlightened ideal to recognize what you are. You don’t need a new or better experience. You don’t need more knowledge. You don’t need to perfect yourself. You don’t even need to believe these words.
This, right now, is self-evident.
It is awake to itself already.
What this means is that we can get out of the mindset of “being on a path” and “seeking” non-dual perfection somewhere in the future.
Pure awareness is before any idea of the past, present, or future. It’s so immediate, there is nothing more immediate than that.
The “work” consists in recognizing that what is, is what you are.
You can’t know what it is because it’s not an object; you can only know that it is.
Once you recognize it, you can keep recognizing it in every situation. This isn’t a practice that leads you anywhere. The recognition is the goal.
Awareness is already awake.
It’s not “you” who needs to awaken to it. It is awareness recognizing itself.
None of this is a technique or a vehicle to enlightenment. It is simply being what you are. And because you are already what you are, how much work is necessary to be what you are?
If you think you don’t get it, then you’ve already overshot the goal.
Let every thought about the past, present, and future fall away. Let every idea of being on a path dissolve. Let every attempt to achieve, attain, or accomplish anything go.
Drop all images and concepts of yourself. Drop all ideas about awakening.
What is left?
Of course it’s not nothing.
There is this ever-present awakeness that never falters, never moves. You know it because you are it, right now.
Now all that remains is to familiarize yourself with yourself. Glimpse it once. Then keep glimpsing it over and over again until the dualistic pull and push can’t sway you anymore.
Instead of using the seeking energy to go after the next teaching, the next book, the next technique, transmute it by reconnecting with what you are.
You are already the truth you’re seeking. You are already the non-dual awareness that you assumed would show itself at the end of a long path.
No exotic experience needed. No new improved self needed.
This, that you are, is the totality, awake to itself right now.
Luka
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