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You probably already heard before that desire causes suffering. But a life without desires seems unimaginable for most of us.
Desire involves acquisition and accumulation.
And while desire may be a primary motivator for many achievements, it is also the cause of attachments and addictions.
Still, many people ask themselves, is desire really that bad? If desire causes so much suffering why is it that we nonetheless desire so many things? How exactly does desire cause suffering?
In the following article, we’re going to
• Dissect the concept of desire
• Explain how desire causes suffering
• Why desire is hindering the attainment of the desired object
• How to overcome desire
The Forms of Desire
Desire takes many forms ranging from mild wanting to an obsessive craving.
It can, among others, manifest as
• Envy
• Hunger
• Obsession
• Control
• Clinging
• Hoarding
• Exaggeration
• Over-ambition
• Possessiveness
• Greed
• Selfishness
• Lust
• Attachment
We can see that all forms of desire involve the loss of freedom. This is especially true when we are unconsciously operated by desire.
The desire for fame, power, money and status can be so intense that it often becomes more important than the desired object itself.
The Reason for Desire
All of our desires are based on two fundamental reasons.
Either to avert or cease suffering or gain pleasure and happiness.
This is grounded in the belief that to be happy we have to be someone and have certain things.
However, this is a downward spiral because the fulfillment of one desire leads to craving the next.
Now we can start to see how desire causes suffering.
The four noble truths of buddha state that we have desires because we seek happiness.
The assumption that happiness is something lost and must be regained by accumulation and acquisition is the basis of desire.
We spend so much time desiring something, which is a rather unpleasant feeling, not knowing if our desire will ever be fulfilled.
And if we realize our desire is realized the happiness about it is usually short-lived.
Therefore, it is much more sustainable to search for meaning than for happiness.
We are quick to discard the memory about all the things we have, for the desire of the things we don’t have.
The glamorization of so many things just feeds into our drive to have more. Often, unknowing to us, we desire not the object itself, but the glamour ascribed to it. When we then reach our goal, we are disappointed.
We have attached so many emotions to something, have made it such a big thing, and turned into something magical in our minds, that our image does not match with the experience of having it.
“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” – Epicurus
Desire as an Obstacle
Many of us believe that to get something we have to desire it strongly.
And if we let go of that desire then we won’t get what we want.
The irony in that is that a strong desire is often a block to get what you want.
You could even say that things come into your life despite your desire.
Desire is linked with a feeling of scarcity, so desire literally means, “I don’t have.”
When you say that something isn’t yours, you are putting a mental distance between you and the object of desire.
This is supplemented by work ethics such as hard work, self-sacrifice, struggle, great effort.
We have that belief imposed upon us that good things can only come through suffering. While they certainly can come through suffering, who decided that this is the best way?
Letting go of desire seems like the more elegant solution because you are removing the psychological obstacle.
Being free of control by desire also involves being free of the fear of not getting what you want.
Desire Causes Suffering
Because desire can involve a wide range of negative emotions, suffering is almost self-evident.
Desire can put you in a constant state of anxiety about the desired thing and then lead to frustration if it’s not fulfilled.
Moreover, if you then see someone else who has what you desire, you will become envious and jealous.
In the most extreme cases, unfulfilled desires can have pathological proportions as seen in serial killers and extremists.
Another way how desire causes suffering is that it creates attachment.
We are so bound to the idea of having this thing that we start to identify with it. We begin to think that the only way to ever be happy is to fulfill this desire.
Desire and subsequent satisfaction can turn into a repetitive cycle of desire-satisfaction, which leads to a habit, which leads to craving.
This can then result in addiction be it, drugs, food, entertainment, sex, money, power, thrill, or any other form.
And addictions are known to supersede self-preservation often even despite harsh consequences.
Although many people claim that desire is good and necessary, you can exchange desire with positive emotions and reach your goals without all the struggle and anxiety.
Transcending Desire
Now then how do you overcome desire?
Overcoming desire doesn’t mean to never experience desire anymore. It means that your desires don’t control and enslave you.
What helps is to really accept that desire is a hindrance.
This can be observed in the boy-girl phenomenon which many of us have probably experienced themselves:
The boy wants the girl, but the girl is not interested. Then, the boy stops being interested. Suddenly the girl wants the boy.
This is a good example of how desire can drive the desired object away.
Think of situations where a desire was fulfilled. You will probably find an occasion where you effortlessly got what you wanted.
Try to remember those experiences and ask yourself how your emotional state was. You were free of worry, anxiety, and drivenness. You might even have completely forgotten about the object of desire.
Open yourself up to the possibility that you don’t need desire to reach your goals.
The first step toward reaching a goal is to make a decision. Then, you allow the feeling of desire to come up, you sit with the feeling, let it run its course, and let it go.
Or as Viktor E. Frankl says in Man’s Search For Meaning:
“Don’t aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one’s surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it”
For example, if you want to be a certain way, stop desiring it, instead choose to be that person.
There may be some resistance that can come up in the form of fear, guilt, and doubt. All you have to do is to accept them. Instead of suppressing them, you welcome them.
By surrendering all the emotional resistances, you are letting go of the associated thoughts.
Moreover, you will then realize that it’s not necessary to crave the goal but to just follow the steps to its actualization. The effort needed for realization is accompanied by a feeling of value instead of sacrifice.
You can then picture your goal lovingly and allow it to happen. From scarcity, you shift into a state of abundance and see that what is chosen is already yours.
When your goals are not motivated by desire their fulfillment can happen much more effortlessly.
Practical Exercise
Write a list of all the things you desire and the goals you want to accomplish.
Then let go of wanting them.
Whenever you reach a goal, check it off the list.
Ironically, our ego tends to attribute the accomplishment of our goals to external reasons.
But remember that it is your intrinsic power.
△△△
“We are all powerful beings who have become unconscious of our own power; we have denied and projected it onto others out of guilt and our own sense of smallness.” – David R. Hawkins, Letting Go
Luka
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