Table of Contents
Why We Must Overcome Our Fears
The four fundamental fears I’m going to talk about in this post might be different from fundamental fears you have read or heard about somewhere else.
Experiencing fears is natural, but overcoming or rather facing our fears is an important part of our development as human beings.
If we never overcome our fears we will always be limited in what we can be, do, and have.
I have especially experienced those fears in my own life and sometimes I wasn’t even conscious about the fears operating in a given situation.
Those fears are the fears that usually kept me from pursuing my ambitions, taking action, and living the fulfilling life I want.
They manifested in the form of excuses and rationalizations.
Maybe you want to start writing a book, but suddenly the thought, “I’m not a writer, no one will read my book” pops up. That’s fear.
Or you want to go on a big journey around the world, but your rationalization kicks in, “I just recently got a raise, and sacrificing my job wouldn’t be smart.” That’s fear.
Or you want to join a social movement or demonstration but think, “Big crowds and gatherings aren’t my thing.” That can be fear too.
To overcome fears can be a tricky thing because sometimes we are not aware that what we deal with is fear.
Moreover, aside from the content of fear, the fear itself is an unpleasant experience.
“We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” – Theodore Roosevelt
However, when we do identify fears it is important to look AT those fears not away from them.
Our greatest self usually hides in the shadow of our fears.
Four Fundamental Fears
Fear of Death/Loss/Failure
Although I’m talking about four fundamental fears, on the deepest level there is only one fear from which all other fears stem.
That is the fear of death, the fear for survival, the fear of obliteration, the fear of the unknown, the fear of non-existence.
Many names, same thing.
This is the reason why many of us rather pursue a safe job or career than follow our dreams.
The well-trodden path is safe.
In our lives, we put too much importance on the aspect of safety.
I get it we all want to feel safe and cozy. But chasing safety will lead to dullness, boredom, and meaninglessness.
“Better to have a short life that is full of what you like doing than a long life spent in a miserable way.” – Alan Watts
Going into the unknown is without a doubt scary but it’s also exciting.
This fear often kept me from doing what I rather would be doing, although it often operated subconsciously.
I remember times when I had an opportunity to jump into the unknown but refused because of this reason or that reason.
This rationalizing is just there to make us feel better. We find dozens of reasons why to not do that thing.
However, as Nassim Taleb says in his book Antifragile, if we have more than one reason to do something, we should probably not do it and vice versa.
The only reason to do or not do something is that you want to.
Fear of Loss of Control
It’s a good feeling to have control. We all want control. Control over our lives, over our resources, over our environment.
However, because we have a strong desire for control, we also fear the loss of control.
We fear that the circumstances of our life turn for the worse and there is nothing we can do about it.
So, when we are in a relationship and fear that our partner will leave us (fear of loss), we also experience the fear of loss of control. Even though there are some aspects in life we do have control over, control over other people is usually not included.
The desire to have control over your partner can then lead to all kinds of negative emotions that hurt the relationship further instead of saving it. Jealousy can turn into obsessive monitoring and ultimately push your partner away.
Only when we let go of the desire to control everything do we actually gain control.
The only true control we ever have is control over ourselves. The control over how we act according to what happens.
When we accept that happenings are out of our control, we feel liberated.
This will also enable us to pursue our greater ambitions and goals because they are outside of our controllable comfort zone.
As soon as you surrender the fear of losing control, your decisions will not depend on the controllability of their outcome.
Fear of Rejection
Fear of rejection is one of the most frequently occurring fears.
We want to be accepted and recognized by others. For that reason, we often ask for permission to do something.
This might manifest in the form of telling your friends about your business idea and seeing how they react.
If they think it’s a good idea we have the permission to presume, but if they think it’s crazy and unsafe we won’t do it.
One of the reasons for that is our upbringing. Our parents tell us: “Don’t do that” or “That is not allowed.” This conditions us to ask for their approval.
While our parents don’t have anything bad in mind navigating us through life that way, this can continue into our adult lives.
We have to learn to give ourselves approval and stop looking for acceptance from others.
Realize that most people will only accept what they know or believe is true.
If you now want to do something new or unusual and create a life that is different from the beaten path, you will face resistance and rejection.
Recognize this fear for what it is, a desire to be accepted.
For me, it was scary to put myself and my thoughts out there. What if my ideas and beliefs will be rejected? What if people won’t accept me?
What ultimately helped me to overcome this fear, was the realization that I’ll rather be rejected for my truth than never have lived and spoken my truth.
Another thing that played a significant role was ironically another fear. The fear of conformity.
Fear of Conformity/Non-Individuality
Have you ever wondered why so many people get tattoos and body modifications?
It’s because of the desire for individuality, the desire for being different than others.
I remember when I got my first tattoo. All my friends and peers wanted to have a look and asked all kinds of questions about the tattoo and the process of getting tattooed.
I then jokingly thought to myself that getting a tattoo is a good way to feel relevant again.
The interesting thing about the fear of conformity is that if it is stronger than the other fears it can be helpful for overcoming the other fears.
Accordingly, in the beginning, this fear can be a valuable drive.
However, fear is never a sustainable level of operation and fear shouldn’t be your main reason to act.
Understandably, we want to feel special and unique.
But as much as we are all special unique, we are also one collective being, one organism.
Our uniqueness, therefore, should not stem from the fear of not being unique but be an expression of the knowledge that we are all one.
Expressing our individuality from the basis of trust and love is a completely different experience than from the basis of fear.
Your individuality will not be a way to separate yourself from others, but an example for others to live their life their way.
“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” – Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
Tools to Overcome Your Fears
Here are some tools to overcome your fears whenever you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by them.
The Stoic Art of Negative Visualization
Negative visualization can prepare us for disruptions, work disruptions into our plans, and ultimately help us overcome our fears.
“Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectations.” – Seneca
Whenever you fear doing something, ask yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen?”
Often, you will conclude that the worst that could happen isn’t even that bad, or that the worst is just where you started.
While this may seem like a practice in pessimism, that is not what I suggest here.
You shouldn’t constantly visualize the worst outcome, just be aware of it.
This can help manage expectations, keep you humble, and prepare for obstacles in your way.
Because let’s be honest things can go wrong, and they sometimes do. But by being prepared for it you will have it much easier to accept setbacks and try again.
Obstacles are just the universe’s way to see if you really want it.
The “And then what?” Technique
The “And then what?” technique is a powerful yet simple technique to get to the root of your fears and release them.
How it essentially works is that every time you experience fear, you surrender to a consequence if that fear should actually happen.
For example:
“I’m afraid I’ll get fired.”
“And then what?”
“Then I won’t have any money.”
“And then what?”
“Then I’ll become homeless.”
“And then what?”
“Then I won’t have money for food and could starve to death,”
and so on.
When you follow the train of fears to the end it always ends in the fear of physical death.
This technique can help you to allow the fears to arise without resistance and surrender to the emotional energy behind them.
When you constantly surrender to the fear of death you will eventually let go of it. Because all fears are just elaborations of the fear of death, all other fears will then fall away as well.
Fear is the last hindrance to overcome, and accepting death will dissolve the core of the fears.
This technique is not only helpful for overcoming your fears but for spiritual growth.
Surrendering your fear of death is also surrendering to a higher power, which will increase your universal trust.
Replace The Word Fear with Excitement
If you think about it, all fears are accompanied by excitement.
So when we are anxious about something, we can stop and think: “I am excited!”
So, why not replace the word fear with excitement?
This is not to say that you should suppress your fear.
Use this when you are afraid of making the first step toward something you know you want to do.
When you see that you’re excited, it’s much easier to make the first step towards that fear, or rather excitement.
Make a Commitment
Frequently the hardest part in overcoming your fears is making the first step.
The solution for that is as simple as it’s obvious, just make the first step.
When you want to do something, but you don’t know where to start and fear paralyzes you, make a commitment.
Commit to doing the first small step in the next 24 hours.
Do you want to start a blog? Register a domain.
Do you want to make art? Create something.
Do you want to travel overseas? Choose a destination and book a flight.
Do you have a crush? Ask him/her out.
The first step is usually the most important one.
Don’t limit your life and experiences by running away from your fears, see them for what they are, and take action.
Feelings are the language of your heart and fear is an important feeling.
It’s a tool your heart uses to show you what it wants to experience. And often your biggest talents are hiding behind your fears.
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“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.” – Aristotle
Luka
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Thank you for being you, Luka. I appreciate you taking the time to help the universe. Your blogs have helped me shift the polarization into the positive lane.