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“The man who dies before dies does not die when he dies.” — Abraham a Sancta Clara
When I was 13 years old, I went through a difficult time. I was caught shoplifting and as a result, was grounded.
That evening I was by myself in my room and for the first time, I felt the heaviness of life bear down on me. It was not that I had a bad childhood, nor did I have a bad relationship with my parents.
Sure, I had difficulties, as any teenager has. Perhaps I was more inside my head than other kids but my parents were always loving, I had many friends, was a popular child, and life was generally good.
This night, however, everything suddenly felt exhausting. Living life felt like carrying a huge boulder up a mountain and I didn’t want to carry it anymore.
Then, out of nowhere, like it was not my own, a thought appeared: “If life gets too exhausting, I can just end my life, and then the struggle is over.”
Although this seems like a serious and scary thought, for me it didn’t feel that way.
Before that, I was never seriously thinking about death, at least not that I remember. But when I had this thought something interesting happened. It was as if this heavy boulder was lifted off my shoulders.
It was not even that I seriously considered suicide. Yet, just knowing that death is a possibility was liberating.
I felt like someone had given me more power over my life. For the first time, I had realized that I am the creator, and destroyer, of my life and I could do with my life whatever I wanted.
I felt lighter and happier. I felt relieved. After that day this thought never occurred again. Sure, I have thought about death afterward, but never in a grim I want to end my life kind of way.
Death became more of a curiosity to me, something to look forward to. Not because life was bad, but because of the thrill of the ultimate unknown.
Yet, at the same time, this has raised my potential of enjoying life and feeling more alive.
Death as a Taboo
For many people, especially in the Western world, death is a taboo topic. And I’m not even talking about suicide. I’m talking about the inevitable death we all have to face eventually.
Still, we don’t like to talk or think about death. Most of us live in a consistent denial of death. That is until we are confronted with death.
The problem is that for many of us death implies the end. We think we will never see our loved ones again.
But what if it’s not the end? What if it’s a new beginning? What if it’s neither end nor beginning but a transition into another state of consciousness?
Perhaps the death we experience at the end of our human experience is just one death of many kinds of deaths.
In fact, even in just this one lifetime, many people experience death before they die.
For some, this happens as the result of dedicated spiritual practice. Others experience death after ingesting a large amount of psychedelics. And some have a taste of death through a near-death experience.
Having had this experience, most people report of increased sense of purpose and zest for life. Because they have caught a glimpse of the big unknown, they are no longer afraid.
And for those who have experienced death because of what is commonly referred to as enlightenment, life is forever changed.
The message is this: the experience of death wakes you up to life.
Despite so many positive reports about the experience of dying, many people avoid thinking about death. It fills them with anxiety, sadness, and dread.
For Western thought, death is the ultimate loss. For a doctor, for instance, death is the ultimate defeat. Hence, our hospitals make a great effort to keep everyone alive for as long as possible.
Sometimes it’s justified, other times it reflects our inability to let go, to surrender, to flow with life.
The emphasis is to keep humans alive with life-support systems, often beyond any reasonable limits. Yet, the inevitable death then arrives in a hospital bed, often away from loved ones.
Should we not focus on the human environment and the quality of the experience during the remaining days? Would it not be more humane to embrace death as part of life and not as the ending of life? Would we not all prefer to die in peace and dignity, surrounded by loved ones?
It would serve us to reframe death. We can reunite death with life by thinking and talking about it, and ultimately experiencing it.
The more we avoid thinking about death the bigger its shadow becomes inside our psyche.
And this avoidance of death leads to romanticizing immortality and pondering means to evade death beyond any reason. These are often unnatural abominations we are thinking about.
But what if we could accept that death is not the end but liberation?
And this liberation is available even before physical death.
All we have to do is die before we die.
Making Death Your Spiritual Practice
In the end, we will all have to face death, so why not face it sooner rather than later?
Especially when facing death will enable you to start living life to the fullest. Ironically, we are not only scared of death but of life as well.
When we face our fear of death, we also face our fear of life.
This is what all the mystics, sages, saints, and shamans have been saying. Dying is living. Make death your spiritual practice.
Various forms of experiential training for dying have been part of many preindustrial cultures. These include:
- Spiritual practices
- Shamanic journeys
- Rites of passage
- Mysteries of death and rebirth
- Books of the dead
Many of these traditions agree that the domains you visit during inner journeys are identical to those you encounter after physical death.
Psychiatrist and one of the founders of transpersonal psychology, Stanislav Grof states in his book Psychology of the Future:
“The experiences of shamans and their clients can thus be considered experiential training for dying.”
You might go kicking and screaming or you might leave in peace and full awareness.
The purpose, then, of the experiential training of dying is to prepare yourself to die in peace and full awareness.
Hence, people living in cultures with such practices have during their lifetime numerous experiences of psychospiritual death and rebirth before their biological death.
You can start this process by recognizing that death is not the opposite of life but an inherent part of life.
Every moment is dying into the next one. Your job is not to try to keep it alive, but to be aware of its death. You’re always dying to things. Be aware that everything is transitory.
“The whole enjoyment of a symphony lies is in the readiness to allow the notes to pass.” — Anthony De Mello, Awareness
Death as Celebration of Life
In many premodern cultures and existing indigenous tribes death is celebrated as much as birth is. They realize that death is not the end. And they know that their loved ones are always with them.
Death is the celebration of a transition into a new state of existence.
Don’t be afraid to think about death. Reflect on death. Meditate on death. Be curious about death. Make peace with death.
If you hold a lot of fear about death inside you, this could also be the reason why you don’t feel as alive as you could feel.
The late spiritual teacher Anthony De Mellow put it beautifully:
“…death is not a tragedy at all. Dying is wonderful; it’s only horrible to people who have never understood life. It’s only when you’re afraid of life that you fear death. It’s only dead people who fear death. But people who are alive have no fear of death.”
You live your life cautiously out of fear of death. By doing so you are keeping life at bay.
This doesn’t mean to start living life recklessly, but to live life the way you truly want to live it. You are not meant to fulfill any status quo but to go your own way.
And the hindrance to following your own path is fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of loss, fear of conformity, fear of fear, and the list goes on.
But in the end, all those fears branch into one final fear: the fear of death.
Hence, letting go of the fear of death and making peace with it collapses the house of cards. All other fears will lose their power over you.
Suddenly, you will be excited about life and eager to live it to the fullest, courageously blazing your own trail.
The illusion of death will drop, and the fear of death will make way for the joy of life. You are meant to live life not to fear life.
When you no longer fear death your way of being in this world is transformed.
In this regard, preparation for death and spiritual practice leading to enlightenment are not different from each other.
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Don’t be afraid to think about death because death can’t harm your life.
“Die happily and look forward to taking up a new and better form. Like the sun, only when you set in the west can you rise in the east.” – Rumi
Luka
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