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How do I stop overthinking? is something that most of us have asked us at one time or another.
“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” – Buddha
Many sources state that it’s introverted and smart people who suffer from extensive overthinking. It does make sense to some degree because this group of people is more inside their heads than inside the world.
But even extroverted people will find time to overthink when they’re by themselves.
It’s fair to say that every one of us has been affected by overthinking. Some more, some less. I’ve been a professional overthinker for a great part of my life. And as you can imagine it made me feel like shit.
In the past, I’ve tried to rationally convince myself that overthinking does not make sense. But to no avail.
There’s so much information out there on how to stop overthinking. But much of it makes things more complicated.
With trial and error, I’ve discovered tools that helped me to overcome overthinking and I’m sure they can help you as well. Further, the tools here are not complicated, and you can use them at any time during the day.
What Overthinking Looks Like
Overthinking can be defined as “thinking about something a lot or too much.”
But that’s usually not where it stops.
When we overthink we often create whole imaginary scenes around the subject of our thinking.
If your overthinking is concerned about a past experience you might engage in “could have’s” and “should have’s”.
You replay the scene in your mind secretly hoping that when you get the scene right in your mind your overthinking will stop.
But, in most cases, it makes the problem worse.
I used to be in the grips of overthinking past events a lot. For instance, whenever I had a social interaction and afterward felt like I was awkward or didn’t say what I should’ve said the overthinking train would start to roll.
“If I would have said this instead of that, then this person might have reacted this way…blah blah blah.”
This always made me feel miserable. Still, often I couldn’t let it go, I repeated the scene over and over obsessively.
Now, on the other hand, you might be overthinking future events. Overthinking the future is usually full of “what if’s?” Perhaps you have a presentation upcoming, a dinner date with your crush, or a job interview for your dream job.
And then, here we go again. “What if I can’t find the right words and embarrass myself?” “What if I don’t know what to talk about and she doesn’t like me?” “What if I don’t get the job?”
And what’s more is, that no amount of preparation will solve this.
Often you prepare for a future situation. But when the situation arrives, you have to ditch the whole script. You can’t prepare for every possible question and occurrence.
Why Do I Overthink?
Overthinking can be a byproduct of depression or anxiety. But overthinking may also lead to depression and anxiety.
So, we find ourselves in a chicken and egg situation here. What came first depression and anxiety or overthinking?
Many people say that to stop overthinking it’s important to address the why behind your overthinking. I want to challenge this.
It can be helpful but I don’t think it’s necessary to know why you are overthinking. Especially, because there seems to be a consensus that the root of overthinking must always be “bad.”
But you can also look at it from a more life-affirming perspective. The reason for your overthinking could also be that you care about things. And caring about yourself, others, things, and so on is not bad.
You just have to learn to not let the care turn into worry.
To get back to your why. Most of the time asking yourself why you’re overthinking involves labeling your thoughts in good and bad. But by doing this you’re creating an internal resistance.
We humans tend to resist things we consider bad. And if you label certain thoughts, or in that matter overthinking, as bad you are giving them more power.
What you resist, persists. What you accept, disappears.
Nonetheless, I want to address one last thing when it comes to why you’re overthinking. And this is emotions.
All your overthinking stems from emotional tension. This means emotions you have not dealt with, accepted, and let go.
William Gray and Paul LaViolette discovered that thoughts are sorted and stored in the mind according to levels of intensity they call “feeling tones.”
Here’s the simple logic behind it.
You have an experience where you made a fool out of yourself. As a result, internal feelings of guilt and shame are activated. And because of that, the train of thoughts starts.
You can confirm this for yourself the next time you’re overthinking.
Now you might be wondering, “Couldn’t it be that the train of thoughts started first?”
Once again, the chicken and egg problem. I don’t want to say that this is impossible. If you want to think that thoughts come first be my guest.
But if you don’t carry any internal guilt will you have guilty thoughts?
In the end, this is a dilemma we could talk about forever. The better question is how can we apply this knowledge to stop overthinking?
How to Stop Overthinking
In most articles on how to stop overthinking you get a bunch of tips and strategies. But many strategies lead to more confusion and hence overthinking.
So, I have exactly three points for you that can and will stop overthinking if you apply them. Further, these are not overly complicated but straightforward.
Let’s dive in.
Feel Your Emotions
The first and most important point is feeling your emotions. And the following two points build upon this.
Most of us are not feeling our emotions and hence are not aware of the power and freedom this can provide.
When you feel your emotions, you’re releasing them and letting them go. This will reduce inner tension. And reduced inner tension leads to reduced mental rumination.
Not feeling emotions is a pandemic and leads to a lot of suffering. The constant suppression of emotions can manifest in various forms, among those overthinking.
Now how do you implement this when you are overthinking?
When you find yourself overthinking, sit down and relax as much as possible. Then shift your attention to the emotions behind the thinking. And focus on the sensations the emotions evoke.
You might experience uneasiness in your gut or tension in your neck for instance. Allow yourself to become one with the sensations.
You’ll see that when you focus on your sensations there is no space for thoughts to intrude. But if thoughts come up and you find yourself overthinking that’s ok. Don’t beat yourself up for it. Just gently become aware of the sensations again.
Every moment you spend feeling your emotions is contributing to letting go.
In the beginning, you’ll try to identify the emotion. For this to work, however, identification is not necessary. You might also start to overthink the technique. At least that’s what I did in the beginning.
But be assured that this is as simple and straightforward as it sounds.
When you experience the benefits of feeling your emotions for the first time you’ll know what I mean.
I urge you to try this technique yourself and see the effects it has. This technique has not only helped me to stop overthinking but let the past go and live more in the present moment.
Being committed to feeling your emotions can already be enough to stop overthinking.
The following points are additions in case you want to get the mind involved. They might also help you to let go of the emotions quicker.
Reframe the Situation
Often when something happens, that seems negative we tell ourselves that this is not supposed how things should have happened.
And this is where reframing comes into play. Reframing means looking at the situation from another perspective and, hence, putting it into a deeper context.
Let me give you an example.
You’re sitting in class and suddenly without warning, you have to fart loudly. Everyone looks at you and laughs. You’re embarrassed and promptly the overthinking starts. “Everyone will remember this and I’ll be the laughing matter for the rest of my life.”
Because you’re in a tunnel perception you think there is no good reason that this happened to you.
But by using the feeling your emotions technique you can make some room between you and your thinking. And then you can reframe the situation.
What if farting in class was exactly what you had to do to further your self-development? Your higher self might have created this situation so you could learn to let go of obsessing about what others think of you.
Here’s another example.
You want to get accepted into a prestigious university but fail the admission test. Immediately, you think this is a catastrophe and you’ve ruined your future. As a result, you attend a less prestigious college. But there you get to meet your future business partner with whom you build a successful business.
As you can see you always have the freedom to reframe the situation. The least you can do is make the situation a lesson, which it always is.
In life, things can happen that didn’t go according to your plan. But you have the freedom to choose to see this as exactly as being part of a greater plan you’re not aware of.
Investigate Your Beliefs
Now, this is the last piece to this trifold equation.
Besides the emotional tension, overthinking is also linked to subconscious beliefs that tell us how things are. However, beliefs are just that; beliefs. They’re not natural law.
So, what you want to do is find out where you hold on to limiting beliefs about yourself or the world around you.
You might have the subconscious belief that you can only be successful in life when you have an exceptionally good college degree. Even if you say that this isn’t true, your subconscious might have a different opinion.
This is because beliefs like that are usually taught to us by parents and society in childhood.
As children, our critical thinking is not yet developed. Hence, we believe what our parents tell us. And this belief gets anchored in our subconscious, which then becomes part of our reality.
Limiting belief systems always play a role in negative self-talk and overthinking.
If you don’t believe that farting in front of people is embarrassing then doing so will not lead to endless ruminations about it.
Here’s something you can try for a week to uncover limiting beliefs.
Observe your emotional reactions to situations. Negative emotions can indicate that there’s some limiting belief regarding this situation.
Also, observe your inner self-talk. Is it mostly positive or negative?
If you talk to yourself negatively a lot you can be sure there are some underlying destructive beliefs.
Whenever you have uncovered a belief that leads to negativity in your life write it down. Then ask yourself if this belief is serving you any longer. If not let it go. You can do this by feeling the emotions (as stated earlier) associated with this belief.
In addition, write down a new empowering belief instead and use this as a positive affirmation.
Summary
3 Step process to stop overthinking:
1. Feel the associated emotions
2. Reframe the situation
3. Uncover limiting beliefs
Whenever you find yourself overthinking follow these three steps. After a month, see the difference it made in your life.
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“To think too much is a disease.” – Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Luka
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