New Year, Who’s Me?

I have a suggestion.

How about instead of making New Year’s resolutions that you’re going to slack on in a few weeks or months, you ask yourself who’s the one making the resolutions?

Who’s this apparent person who knows what’s good for them?

Who has chosen the resolutions for you? Was that you?

Are you really the one making decisions for you? And if so, what is that you?

And what is it not?

If we look at ourselves, we can see that New Year’s resolutions are like most attempts at self-improvement: A vanity-fueled egoic odyssey to keep the infinite pointlessness at bay.

We believe that improving ourselves will amass to something. We assume it will make us happy and successful and finally give our lives the meaning and purpose that’s been evading us.

If I just keep going. If I just stay committed to my good habits. If I just achieve this thing.

Then…

What then?

Then nothing.

Then we’ll realize that the high of achieving this important goal is as short-lived as any other high. And back we get onto the treadmill.

—

Aren’t you tired?

Of course you are.

We all are.

Not knowing what and where and how you are and then floundering around and chasing the next best thing in the hopes that it gives you some sense of validity is tiring beyond belief.

The truly marvelous thing is that we’re not collapsing in droves (more than we already are) from living treadmill lives.

Why is that not the first thing we do — get off the treadmill and find solid ground?

Why is that not everyone’s most important goal — peeling away the layers of conditioning so we can uncover our true lives?

I might sound a little cynical and nihilistic.

But it’s not my intention to make life sound grim.

Life doesn’t need to be grim. Life can be joy. But most of us haven’t found it yet.

And the reason for that is that we’re looking in the wrong places.

Instead of getting clear about the fundamentals of our existence and then living our lives from there, we run straight into the field of never-ending dangling carrots.

And after we have stuffed ourselves with carrots, we still feel like we’re starving.

More carrots may not be the solution.

I’m not saying it’s wrong to achieve goals, have habits, improve our lives, and so on.

All of that is fine. The issue is that we hope to find something in all that activity that simply isn’t there to be found.

Lasting happiness, joy, peace, etc.

Resolving to become a better, smarter, kinder, richer person will not cut it.

—

Screw resolutions.

Instead of trying to improve a self that is causing nothing but trouble, how about we destroy that troublemaker and see what’s left?

After all, what is yourself but a tumbleweed of beliefs, opinions, stories, and preconceived notions?

We’re all big fat lies waiting to be unmasked.

The unmasking might not be what we want initially. But when we step out of the self-image vanity game then we have a chance to discover the marvel that is life without anxious clinging, hoping, demanding, and constant conceptual overlay.

And the first step of the unmasking is taking one simple honest look.

Start the new year with that.

Look at yourself and your life with a fresh and sincere look, as if you see it all for the first time.

Find the question that stops you in your tracks, that shakes you out of your stupor.

What am I for real? What is real? What is true? Am I really happy? What do I really care about? What’s the point? What the fvck? to give some examples.

The point of this line of questioning is not to find the right answer but to destroy the question, which is the answer.

—

I know someone will think that this sounds elitist. Someone fighting for their survival will be too busy to ponder these questions. (There are always people who are offended on behalf of someone else.)

Okay, fair enough.

But I’m not speaking to someone else. I’m speaking to you.

You are elite enough to have a device to read this on and you’re most likely elite enough to not have bare survival on your mind all the time.

You probably feel bad about things such as lack of meaning and purpose and success and so on.

Are you going to live with that for the rest of your life?

And I don’t mean buckle down and find meaning and purpose and success (though you can do that too). What I mean is to question the assumptions upon which this whole house of cards is built.

Who told you that meaning, purpose, and success is where it’s at?

On the other hand, if you are happy with your life or just want to go about your life without questioning anything seriously, then that’s fine too.

Nothing wrong with that.

Forget what you read here and just keep it up.

This message is probably not for everyone. (The elitist thing again, huh?)

I know I made this all sound awefully serious. But this only sounds serious as long as it is serious.

Coming back to ground zero of your existence is the way to joy, peace, and happiness. It might not be what you expect though. But then you’ll be as serious as the bird chirping outside your window.

All I’m saying is that a new me is not the solution. “Me” is always the problem.

So instead of announcing New Year, New Me, begin the new year by asking New Year, Who’s Me?

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Luka

Hello friend! My name is Luka and I am the creator of mindfulled. Here you'll find illustrated essays and stories about spiritual awakening and the art of living.

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