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“Do I contradict myself? Very well then I contradict myself, (I am large, I contain multitudes.)”
— Walt Whitman
Many of us are afraid to speak our minds openly and frankly.
We fear that we might be wrong, and that people will judge us and that we’ll be fools beyond repair.
And what if we change our opinion later on? What if we realize that what we expressed earlier is not the full picture? (It never is.)
Well, we might as well lie down and not say anything ever again.
All of this fear is based on the belief that we are our carefully created self-images which are the result of everything we say and do on the outside and everything we think and feel on the inside.
You might say it’s obvious that you are not your self-image but I challenge you to observe your thoughts and actions and see if a great deal of it isn’t about feeding into the self-image you have about yourself.
Aren’t we all speaking of things we have no idea about to seem educated? Aren’t we all regurgitating other people’s thoughts to seem smarter? Aren’t we all giving advice to seem as if we have our shit together?
This is one form of vanity: Repeating words like a mindless automaton so you look good/smart/kind/_____ in the eyes of others.
Another form of vanity is the inverse version: Not speaking your mind so you don’t look bad/dumb/mean/_____ in the eyes of others.
Everyone who does this wouldn’t want to admit they do this. But everyone else does it as well. So it’s all a big charade we’re playing.
Being on guard like this is also an exhausting way to live life.
Is Having Strong Opinions a Sign of Adulthood?
Speaking of adulthood (we weren’t but let’s), we’re brought up believing that adulthood means something like becoming surer about things, being more settled about, well, everything
The older we get the stronger our convictions and ideas about everything become. Sometimes I’m surprised to see that everyone knows everything about everything all the time.
Eventually, we are so locked into our characters that nothing can get us out of it.
And in that, I believe we have it all backward.
The older most of us get, instead of growing out of our shells, the more we dig our heels in and wrap ourselves in hardened encrusted layers of beliefs claiming we’re “right” and “realistic” and “rational.”
I think we’re just being silly.
Shouldn’t adulthood be about breaking out of a cocoon (or at least entering the chrysalis stage), instead of fortifying its shell and eventually dying inside it?
If we want to expand into our rightful dimensions we need to question our strongest beliefs and convictions, not find more reasons to keep believing them. We need to fully realize that what we are is not the character we’re animating.
Instead, what happens most often is that humans settle into the characters they’ve been unknowingly assigned.
And the more you settle into your character the less you’ll contradict yourself. And the less you contradict yourself, the more you’ll overlook the flaws in the whole setup. And the more you overlook the flaws in the whole setup, the less is your likelihood of breaking free from your conditioned existence.
Sure, when you are developing an argument contradicting yourself all over the place might not be the best way to make a good point. But when it comes to life stuff, why shouldn’t you contradict yourself?
Life is one big contradiction.
Even the greatest insights you have about yourself and life are obsolete the moment you have them.
Insights are weapons to use, not trophies to brag about.
They are not knowledge you use to fortify your cocoon; they are tools to help you break free of it.
Besides I don’t think it’s about making sense of life. We’ll never find the one right cosmology. This world we find ourselves in doesn’t make sense and if you try to rectify all its aspects, you’ll always fail.
The more you try to develop an explanation for it all, the more confused you’ll get.
It’s like trying to create one coherent storyline between your waking life and your dream life as if it all needs to add up. It doesn’t and it won’t.
“Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinatown.”
A Game of Chess
We are always asking what to do.
How do you play the game called Life?
The only reason everything feels so difficult and overwhelming is that we’re approaching life like a game of chess.
Most of us live our lives like this: always calculating, always carefully planning every move. We believe we must have it all figured out — everything considered and all the options weighed — before we can do anything.
We do this because we’re afraid of messing up. And then, we still mess up.
How could it be otherwise?
Life is not supposed to be played like chess.
It’s played like jazz — you play it on the feel. You interact with what arises right now.
In life as in jazz, when you think too much, you fuck up.
Many of us spend more time thinking about the content of our lives than actually living. This thinking about life is like nerve poison that slowly paralyzes us.
Our own thoughts are so convincing we believe them effortlessly. We live our lives as if we already know what will happen.
Have you ever seen a chess match between two grandmasters?
They think and think and think. Nothing happens. Suddenly, one of them stretches out their hand to acknowledge their defeat.
They played the whole game in their minds and realized they were done for. Many people approach life in a like manner. They are defeated before they’ve even moved one piece.
Let’s switch analogies.
We treat our lives like valuable collector’s items. We never get it out of its wrapping out of fear of smudging or breaking it.
But why not make a mess?
If your life is still in its wrapping (I’m sorry to say that) you haven’t started living.
You’re a dead person. As dead people, we’re afraid of life.
We’re afraid to meet life head-on without our protective cocoon barrier, without all the beliefs and opinions we hold so dearly.
We’re afraid of pain and disappointment, so we rather live our lives without the muss of vulnerability and fuss of courage.
Contradictions Are Your Friends
If you’re trying to develop an elevated perspective of this crazy dream we call life, then contradictions are your best friend.
Today I share some insights about myself and life, exactly like yesterday, but yesterday’s insights make me cringe.
Say things and then the next day say something else.
Who cares? Who’s to judge?
The people who are afraid of contradictions? The people who are afraid of saying anything because they might be judged and rejected? The people who make a career out of criticizing what others say?
Everyone blaming you for changing your opinions and refusing to dig your heels in is blaming you for drinking from a fresh river while they preach their stale puddle water.
Life is not a puddle.
Life is a raging river with more fresh water than any single mouth would ever need to quench its thirst.
You can’t fail at life but if you could, then one way to fail would be to assume being an adult means finding a nice little puddle and then drinking from that same ol’ puddle for the rest of your life.
And if you can suddenly feel the cocoon’s walls around you, know it’s not too late. You can still break free.
Question everything anyone has ever told you. Nothing is not up to scrutiny. Everything deserves some serious poking.
Virtually no one grows up at the appointed hour but we can all do it.
The first step is to recognize that you’re inside a cocoon in a small stale puddle playing chess with yourself thinking that’s life. And then decide enough is enough.
You don’t have to live a fear-based, belief-fueled, emotionally-stunted life. There’s more to life than meets the eye.
And the willingness to contradict yourself as often as necessary is a good place to start.
Be a fool and break free.
Luka
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A veces me sorprende ver que todo el mundo sabe todo sobre todo, todo el tiempo. … Muy cierto Luka