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With the rise of fake news and people trying to sell you stuff by manipulation and shady business practices, lying seems to have become a big part of our life.
So, why stop lying if it’s “normal” to do so?
Well, it doesn’t have to and shouldn’t be that way. We shouldn’t have to feel like the whole world is lying to us and trying to manipulate us, and in turn, lie to others to get things our way.
I like to imagine a world where the truth is a given. A world where we are honest with each other because we care for each other.
Some might think that this is naïve and unrealistic but radical honesty is something everyone would benefit from, even if a person denies it.
The first step can be done by everyone. Start with yourself, make the world a better place, and stop lying today.
The Prevalence of Lying
We all want to believe that we are honest people, but the truth is that most of us are lying every day.
One study on self-reported lies found that people lie about 1,65 times a day.
This doesn’t seem much, but we also have to consider a cognitive bias because memory is frequently more inaccurate than we like to believe. So, the actual number of lies might be a bit higher.
When we talk about our own past behavior, we may consciously or unconsciously manipulate stories so that they are more in line with who we like to be, or who we believe we are.
Another 2002 study found that during a 10-minute conversation 60 percent of people told at least one lie, averaging at two to three lies.
On top of that, is the number of times we are lied to in a day. That can range anywhere from 10-200 times.
Some lies might be less significant others more. Sometimes our intention behind a lie might even be a good one.
We tell a friend those new pants look good because we don’t want to hurt his feelings. 25 % of lies are “kind-hearted, altruistic lies” or what is also called “white lies”.
However, being honest doesn’t mean to be rude to people by telling them your unfiltered opinion when they didn’t ask about it. This is judgment, not honesty.
You can be honest even in small matters but do it with sensitivity. Honesty should not be an excuse for rudeness.
“A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.” – William Blake, Auguries of Innocence
But the lies that are often more detrimental than the ones we tell others, are the ones we tell ourselves.
Stop Lying to Yourself
It can be hard to be honest with yourself, to take complete responsibility for your life.
I struggled a lot with negative self-talk and destructive thought patterns, which resulted in lying to myself and others about my past.
Furthermore, I cared a lot about the opinions of others and would frequently buy into things others would tell me about myself.
And while I often was part of the “cool” kids, I was full of doubt and internal struggles.
Consequently, my self-worth and confidence really suffered from this. But then something changed…
At a moment when my mind was racing and I was overwhelmed by overthinking, I stopped.
I started to ask myself which of these thoughts and beliefs are really mine.
What is it that I want to believe about myself?
So, I committed to stop lying to myself.
That is the first step. Apply radical honesty on yourself. What are the areas in your life where you are constantly lying to yourself?
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” – Virginia Woolf
It works the other way around as well:
“If you will not reveal yourself to others, you cannot reveal yourself to yourself.” – Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life
The only ones holding ourselves back are we. We tell ourselves lies like we are too dumb, smart, ugly, beautiful, short, tall, poor, rich.
The truth is that those statements are not the truth.
Many of those statements are just belief systems we have accepted as the truth. We tell ourselves lies because it’s easier to find reasons to not do something than to take responsibility.
When we stop lying to ourselves, we regain our inner power. We dismantle the negative beliefs that hold us back.
Then we will recognize that the way we see reality is just a reflection of our inner space.
Hence, we can actively choose what we believe to be true or false about ourselves.
As soon as you start being honest with yourself, you will gain momentum. Then it will get easier and soon you will see changes.
When I stopped lying to myself, I realized that I can be and am so much more than what the world and my smaller self wanted me to believe.
As Fyodor Dostoyevski put it accurately in The Brothers Karamazov:
“Above all, avoid lies, all lies, especially the lie to yourself. Keep watch on your own lie and examine it every hour, every minute. And avoid contempt, both of others and of yourself: what seems bad to you in yourself is purified by the very fact that you have noticed it in yourself. And avoid fear, though fear is simply the consequence of every lie. Never be frightened at your own faintheartedness in attaining love, and meanwhile do not even be very frightened by your own bad acts.”
Stop Lying to Improve Your Health
Often the consequences of lying are not immediate. Be it regarding your character, your relationships, your success, or even your health.
One way how your health can improve when you stop lying is the less frequent feeling of guilt.
Guilt implies punishment and if you have pent-up guilt inside you, your subconscious may find a way to punish you. This can happen through disease, injury, and accidents among others.
According to a review from 2015 constant lying can lead to several negative health consequences.
These include high blood pressure, increased heart rate, vasoconstriction, and elevated stress hormones in the blood.
Lying can also affect your mental health. Keeping up a lie can be quite stressful. Lies and secrets will preoccupy your mind much more than telling the truth.
Apart from making you feel guilty, lying may also make you anxious and depressed.
Psychologists, such as Afred Adler, Sigmund Freud, C.G. Jung, and Viktor E. Frankl, came to the same conclusion:
Lies corrupt the being, the soul, and the state alike.
As you can see, to stop lying can have a tremendously positive effect on our mental and physical health, and therefore improve our well-being.
Why Lies Are Not Worth it
Most of us have experienced a situation where we told a lie and then had to back it up with another lie and back this lie up with another lie.
Eventually, we find ourselves in a net of lies where we lose the overview.
Having to keep up a house of lies is exhausting and draining and sooner or later this house will start to crumble.
And the people you have lied to will certainly feel more hurt when they realize that you intertwined them in a scheme of lies.
Even if you think you can avoid punishment, suffering, and embarrassment by lying, in the end, it will all come back manyfold.
The next time you are about to lie just ask yourself if the subsequent administration is worth it.
Because that’s what keeping up a lie is – administrative work.
“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” – Mark Twain
Moreover, the more you lie and the longer you try to keep up a facade the more will you will suffer later on.
Accepting the truth is a sacrifice, but rejecting the truth will poison your character.
Why not then stop lying, be authentic, and use your capacities for things that serve you and others?
How Honesty Improves Your Life
The first thing I have realized when I committed to honesty is the improvement of relationships.
On a deeper level, others know when you lie. And if you constantly lie to people, you actually care about, it will without a doubt affect the relationship.
Another thing that became apparent is that if you are honest with others, they are more likely, to be honest with you.
Honesty is always accompanied by authenticity and if you are authentic you are giving other people the permission to be authentic as well.
When you stop lying, you will be lied to less often as well.
Not only the relationship with others but also the relationship with myself improved.
I started to feel much more aligned, energized, and happy with myself, which was also reflected outwards.
The truth was a way to set me free. I felt like I don’t have to play hide and seek with myself anymore.
When you stop lying you liberate yourself.
Honesty will also make you a better and wiser person because you know that honesty will always serve your highest good and the highest good.
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Even when you can’t see the benefit right away, in the long run, the truth is always the best option.
Luka
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