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From the moment I first became aware of what I considered to be inadequacies in myself I was on a personal transformation crusade. I wanted to change, to transform myself. Ultimately, I wanted what I would now call life transformation.
Now, looking back at my ruthless pursuit to improve and optimize myself I can only smirk. Some of what I did worked to some degree, other things I did, I did for the wrong reasons, and much of what I did just kept me going in circles.
It was a quest fueled by foolishness and inner violence, and hence, destined to burn me out.
Perhaps you’re in a similar position. You want something to change, to improve yourself, to be better. Maybe you’ve even picked up on the idea of living up to your full potential.
No matter your reason, life transformation can be a tricky thing. And most of us approach it in an unsustainable way that more often than not leads to more problems down the road.
But before we get into the how-to-transform-yourself bit, let’s first get clear about what we mean by life transformation.
What is Life Transformation?
Life transformation is a rather vague expression and can indicate a whole range of happenings.
We might say that life transformation is when you radically change your life for the better. But let’s not say that. Why? Because it’s still pretty vague and leads to more questions than it answers.
How do you define your life? What does it consist of? What does better mean? Better according to whom? And better in what aspects?
As you can see, we’re already knees deep in an important aspect of life transformation, which is questioning concepts such as transformation, improvement, and life.
Before I offer my definition of life transformation, ask yourself what it means to you.
Does it mean improvement? If so, what’s your definition of improvement? You want to get to something that feels right. And for it to feel right it preferably should be something you have arrived at yourself by thinking for yourself.
The preceding sentences might’ve already given you a feel for what I mean by transformation. Transformation, for me, is not about actively changing something about yourself, but about increasing your awareness, which leads to a shift in perception.
Will the change in your life still happen? Oh yes, the change will happen in you and your environment, but it won’t be you who does the change. In fact, who has made you believe there is a you who can change anything?
Where is the You You Want to Change?
When we want to change something in our lives, we usually make a common mistake. We put the metaphorical cart in front of the metaphorical horse.
We get all serious about improving ourselves and take personal responsibility to make a change. Don’t get me wrong, taking responsibility is a more mature way to approach life than feeling like a victim. But taking responsibility is built upon a major unquestioned assumption.
The unquestioned assumption is that you can take responsibility. What do I mean by that? By that, I mean that you have no proof that there is an entity you call yourself.
I know, I know this sounds like crazy talk but hear me out.
You want to change yourself, right? This implies that there is a you that can be changed and a you that does the changing. But can you actually find and point at either of those apparent you’s?
And, in any case, why would the you, you want to change and apparently is so flawed, be qualified to direct the life transformation you want?
Whatever we think we are is nothing but a tumbleweed of thoughts, emotions, and feelings. And it’s not even all the thoughts, emotions, and feelings but just a snapshot, and this snapshot most definitely changes over time.
When we hold on to the idea that we are a separate individual self that needs to change itself so that it can be happy or successful or peaceful or content or whatever we expect from this transformation, we are setting ourselves up for suffering.
This is because actively trying to change yourself usually stems from a sense of not being good enough.
Your personal transformation journey will then be full of inner violence in the form of self-judgment, doubt, worry, guilt, shame, anxiety, and hatred. And, if we then, fail to achieve the results we want, we better buckle up because the ride will get even wilder.
Your History With Trying to Change Yourself
Consider your situation for a moment.
You’re always dissatisfied with yourself, always wanting to change yourself. You’re full of violence and self-intolerance. And the more effort you put into changing yourself, the more the violence and self-intolerance grow.
So any change you’re trying to achieve is always accompanied by inner conflict. And when others achieve or become what you’ve not yet achieved or become, oh boy. Screw them, right?
Now, imagine you’d be like a flower, completely content with what you are, never striving to be something you’re not. Would you be jealous or envious?
But you, by which I mean most of us, are driven to be like someone else who has better looks, more knowledge, more success, more popularity, or more money than you.
You want to be more virtuous, more loving, more meditative, more successful, more spiritual, more everything. And it’s fair to say that many of us work hard to fulfill our highest ideals.
But think about the history of your efforts at self-improvement. They either ended in defaulting to your default or succeeded only at the cost of struggle and pain.
What is the alternative, you wonder? Good question.
Let’s suppose you refrained from all the self-dissatisfaction and desire to change yourself. Would you turn into a passive blob allowing everything in and around you to push you around? I hope not.
Luckily, there is a more natural and sustainable way to change whatever needs to be changed—a way between ruthlessly pushing yourself and stagnant acceptance.
It’s the way of awareness and self-understanding.
Self-Understanding Transforms Your Life
For achieving long-term life transformation only one thing is needed. And that one thing is awareness. Awareness can also be called self-observation or witnessing.
The result of increased awareness is self-understanding.
By shining the light of awareness on all the aspects of yourself and your life, you’ll start to understand why you are the way you are. You’ll get to the root of issues and by doing so you open the doorway to true change.
The truth is that the only way anything can change for good is through understanding. You need to understand the thing you feel bound by. And this understanding is not merely a cognitive understanding but a full-body visceral understanding.
Consider an alcoholic. He knows that his habit is killing him. He knows that drinking is jeopardizing his life. He knows that his family is suffering because of it. But still, he doesn’t quit, not because he doesn’t want to but because he’s lacking a holistic understanding of his situation.
There are many stories of individuals who overcame their addiction because they reached a level of understanding that made instantaneous change possible.
Here is a little personal backstory.
I used to have a daily cannabis habit and no matter how many times I tried stopping and told myself that’s it, I always came back to it. Now, I had not only the daily habit as a problem but also the self-judgment and guilt that came with trying to quit and not being able to. So my good intentions actually turned one problem into two problems. Tragicomic isn’t it? Eventually, I gave up trying to quit.
Until, one day, the urge for using was non-existent. It happened so naturally that it kind of slipped by. I was shocked and wondered what kind of sorcery has happened here.
The sorcery that happened was awareness. All I did was increase my awareness. I became aware of all my urges, thoughts, emotions, and habits around cannabis, which led to my understanding of what was going on.
And here is the cool thing about genuine transformation. You’re no longer bound by whatever you wanted to change.
When we quit something by force aka renounce something, we’re tied to it forever. You see this in alcoholics who force themselves to quit. Many of them need to avoid places and events where people drink out of fear of relapsing. They never allow themselves to have one drink because they don’t trust themselves to not go back to their old ways.
With true change, however, you’re not afraid of your old ways because they no longer apply. They no longer tempt you and hence, have no power over you.
How Life Transformation Happens
All you need to do to initiate change is observe yourself. Observe your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and reactions without trying to change them. To understand yourself, you need to stop trying to change yourself.
Chances are this won’t be easy because all your life you’ve been conditioned to the crude violent approach of forcing yourself to change. You’ve been conditioned with the desire to be different from what you are. So this requires freedom from the desire to change yourself.
You have to become an observant scientist.
A scientist who wants to understand ant behavior isn’t walking up to an anthill and stomping all over it to make them do what he wants them to do. He dispassionately observes the ants without interfering. This is the only way he can understand them.
The same is true for you. Stop trying to actively change yourself and allow change to happen on its own. This is the way of nature.
Nature doesn’t need to force change or transformation. Everything happens effortlessly and smoothly. And although it may sometimes look like effort or violence to outside observers, it’s the path of least resistance.
This goes against everything we’ve been taught. We’ve been taught to buckle up, work hard, and put our noses to the grindstone. So, naturally, you’ll feel uneasy or anxious about going the other way. Nature’s way is contrary to our conditioning.
But still, make an experiment of this.
Are you content to observe, study, understand, and be aware of your present state and problems without pushing and forcing according to your ego’s desires?
You already know what you want to change and what you want your life to look like, right? Now, instead of forcing change, simply observe yourself. Observe how you feel when something triggers you. Observe your reactions and habits. Observe how you think about yourself, others, and the world. And don’t try to change anything.
Allow Reality to affect the changes according to Nature’s plans.
And if you begin to identify with something, try to find the ‘I’ that apparently identifies itself with that something. Know that you are not your thoughts, emotions, feelings, behaviors, or reactions. And every time you think you are and want to change something about it, observe that as well.
This is perhaps the simplest yet most profound practice you can do.
Give it a try. Shine the light of awareness on all aspects of your life, and life transformation will happen effortlessly. But it won’t be you who does the change. The change will happen through you.
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If you want the embark on a playful life transformation journey, feel free to check out my ebook experience the 101 Steps for Transformation where you’ll illuminate your life from so many angles that it turns into a journey of clarity and understanding.
Luka
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With such an ease and wonder you make it clear as a sunny sky. Effortless. It’s a true blessing to read! 😊🙏
Thank you for your kind words, Anders! 🙂
You’ve just brought attention to why I’ve been so successful these past 3 months. I kind of knew it in the background but now it’s fully in the light. Your website has been truly helpful. Thank you!
That’s awesome! I’m glad it helped.