The Ego Is Not What You Think it Is

“There seem to be two kinds of searchers: those who seek to make their ego something other than it is, i.e. holy, happy, unselfish (as though you could make a fish unfish), and those who understand that all such attempts are just gesticulation and play-acting, that there is only one thing that can be done, which is to disidentify themselves with the ego, by realising its unreality, and by becoming aware of their eternal identity with pure
being.” – Wei Wu Wei

If you are somewhat interested in understanding yourself, you have surely at one point or another come across the concept of ego and asked yourself who that rascal is supposed to be.

I’m not talking about the ego in its adjective use here, as in he has a big ego, but the ego as your self-image.

Now when it comes to personal and spiritual development, there are more or less two camps out there. One is saying you have to kill the ego. The other camp is saying that you need a strong and healthy ego.

Both views are equally ridiculous if you consider the fact that the one saying both of these things is the ego.

But before we get into ego mechanics 101, let’s establish what the so-called ego is.

What Is the Ego?

What I’ll say about the nature of the ego is something I came to by simply observing my ego. I didn’t have to read anything to come to my conclusions and if you observe your ego, I assume you will come to similar conclusions.

The simplest conclusion about the ego is so straightforward it’s almost ridiculous.

The ego is the sum of all thoughts and emotions.

I dare almost say that the ego in that regard is the same as the mind. When I say all thoughts and emotions I really mean all the mental content, conscious and subconscious.

Imagine all your thoughts and emotions were gone, just like that. Where is your ego now?

The ego is a concept. It has no substantial existence. The thing that’s left when you drop your conceptual self is your immediate non-conceptual existence. Keep that in mind: What we’re talking about here is a shadow, a mirage — something that appears to exist but is only a conceptual entity construed out of the presence of thoughts and emotions.

Now you can also see the ego as your costume if you like. This whole thing we call life is a big costume party and it doesn’t matter as who you come but you can’t come as no one.

The ego is your connection or rather attachment to the dreamworld (the thing we call reality.)

People often say that the ego has all kinds of beliefs and attachments. But that’s not really accurate.

The ego is all of the beliefs and attachments, you see.

It sounds absurd but you are nothing but a tumbleweed of beliefs. And the only thing that sets each of us apart is our beliefs.

On the surface, it seems obvious that we’re more than just the beliefs we’ve picked up along the way. But when we dig beneath the surface all the obvious becomes absurd and all the absurd becomes obvious.

Really ask yourself what you can reasonably conclude about yourself.

So if we can, through a day of self-observation, find out what the ego is, why are there so many fancy complex theories about something so simple?

Well, because the ego doesn’t like to be unmasked.

This brings me to a question I could’ve asked in the beginning. What is the intention behind knowing what the ego is?

If the intention is to reduce its power over your life, then subscribing to complex theories is effectively sabotaging your endeavor. After all, no theory is true. Not one, mine included.

If the intention is to put the ego on a pedestal and elevate it to Godhood, well then the more complex the theory the better.

The Ego Doesn’t Exist

If we unmask the ego (i.e. see its smoke-and-mirrors-nature), it doesn’t take too long until we can rid ourselves of the identification with it, which for ego means death.

All complex theories are a defense mechanism of the ego.

After all who is coming up with all these theories? Correct, the ego. So the ego is creating theories about itself to keep itself hidden. Isn’t this funny?

Now it gets even better.

When one of those wickedly smart theories about the ego includes the development and strengthening of the ego, the ego is effectively giving itself a raise.

The ego is like the manager of a place pretending to be the owner.

Way to go ego.

When you start paying attention to your ego, you will discover more about it than any psychologist, psychiatrist, cognitive scientist, or guru could ever tell you.

To know how the ego functions, simply observe it.

Then you won’t need anyone telling you what’s going on. After all, no one is in a better position than you when it comes to checking your own experience.

My observation tells me that most thoughts are just a constant attempt of the ego to keep up the illusion of its solidity. Observe your thoughts and you will see that most thoughts (if not all) are in some way or another directed at the task of keeping the idea of a separate individual self alive.

But the separate individual self doesn’t exist. In other words, the ego doesn’t exist.

The person you think yourself to be is just a selection of ideas and past experiences you would like to be perceived as in the context of any given situation.

Think about it.

How many different narratives have you told in your life about who you are? Probably a different one for everyone who has asked.

You are picking the few aspects of the ego structure other egos will most likely approve of and hence make your ego feel good. But then, smartly enough, the “you” picking the aspects of the ego structure is also ego.

There is no present to the structure of the “you,” all that is there is the past which is trying to project itself into the future.

If there is a present it can not be experienced by you because you experience only your knowledge about the present and that knowledge is the past. The now can never be experienced by you.

Or to put it another way, the ego cannot come into the present moment.

The Ego Cares Only About Itself

Speaking of selflessness (we weren’t but let’s), the ego cannot care about anyone else but itself.

The ego is 100% selfish, but it doesn’t like to admit that. It masterfully hides its radical selfishness. If you tell someone he’s selfish, he will take this as an insult. But I’m not saying this in a degrading way, it’s just what it is.

Again, this is something you can discover for yourself by observing yourself.

Observe the emotional payoff the ego receives whenever you do something for someone. You feel good about being “selfless,” don’t you?

Well, there you go.

Selflessness, however, means receiving nothing in return. Feeling good about being selfless is receiving a positive feeling which is not nothing, and hence, is not selfless.

Even a mother who seemingly would do everything for her child is primarily concerned about herself whether she admits it or not. The ego craves meaning and this can come from sacrificing itself for the child, which may go as far as physical death.

So the concept of selflessness is something the ego likes to achieve for self-gratification.

Can you see how deep this thing goes? The ego cannot care about anyone else because caring about someone else is immediately a self-serving move.

This means that you can stop feeling bad about being selfish; it seems to come out of an instinct of self-preservation.

Does that mean selflessness is impossible?

No, it is possible, but true selflessness can’t be intended as it requires a kind of un-self-consciousness. As long as you are aware of your good deed, you are receiving an emotional reward, which nullifies its purity.

To bring the ego back into the conversation. As long as the ego is involved selflessness is impossible.

The Ego Is Smarter Than You

From all I have said so far, it’s clear that the ego is way smarter at its game than we are.

You cannot outsmart your ego, and if you do not recognize and respect that, you’ll fail miserably at reducing its grip on your life.

The only way to make “progress” here is to see what’s going on. And to see, you must observe. Don’t try to overpower the ego or deny its influence. Simply observe it.

See how the ego wants a piece of everything.

When you have created artwork, the ego swoops in and wants approval from others.

When you have started a new project, the ego demands control of every step along the way. It wants to predict every move and outcome.

When you have received a lot of money, the ego gets defensive about it because it craves security and survival more than anything else.

Of course, these are just a few examples and for some of us, they may be more accurate than for others. Everyone’s ego has different preferences, which is why you must observe yours.

Unraveling the Ego

Sure, the general functioning of everyone’s ego is the same but only by observing your ego, will you know the beliefs and attachments yours is made of.

Only when you get familiar with the layers of your ego can you start peeling them away.

When you start doing this, you might get the feeling that your ego is getting stronger, but this is just because you’re actually paying attention to it.

You will see expressions of your ego you have not noticed before.

If someone, for instance, wants to be the center of attention and this triggers an emotional reaction in you, see clearly what is going on. The only reason this triggers you is because you want to be the center of attention as well.

So through observation, this whole identity business unravels very quickly, and it doesn’t unravel a little, it unravels completely.

Then ego’s power over your life will naturally start to dissolve. You don’t have to do anything. Awareness is enough.

You might develop an aversion, bordering on disgust against the ego. That’s expected.

But don’t get wrapped up in the idea of fighting against the ego. Remember, the ego is smart and it will quickly identify with the aspect that is in aversion to the ego. And more importantly, when you zoom out, you see the ego is only a concept and doesn’t have any inherent existence.

As you can see, this whole ego thing can easily turn into a tricky cat-and-mouse game. So the last thing I can say is to not take this all so seriously.

After all, what can you lose? Your ego?

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“Die while you are alive, and be absolutely dead. Then do whatever you want: it’s all good.” – Bunan

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Luka

Hello friend! My name is Luka and I am the creator of mindfulled. Here you'll find illustrated essays and stories about spiritual awakening and the art of living.

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